While eating a handful of small, peeled carrots I noticed a slight slimy and tart residue on one of the morsels. My first (and quite surprising) though was a mildly panicked “Semen?!”
The improbability of this was immense, as I am a woman living alone and cannot imagine the circumstances in which one could have feasibly ejaculated on my bagged carrots.
The fact that it was my first thought disturbed me. Later I found it amusing. “First thought, best thought.”