Dad was hit by two cars in the same day and had a staple shot into his head. He wrote a book on the history of Alabama, became a history professor, and had affairs with his students. He won 2nd place on Jeopardy but was unable to claim his prize because he hadn’t paid child support since the divorce. Dad had an awful temper and would often be sent to his room, by Mom. Mom would make us put ice in his pants to calm him down. He once made scrambled eggs with sugar in them and threw them against the wall. He hid the household bills in shoeboxes that he kept in the closet and recorded porn movies at the end of our cartoon tapes. He tried to make me eat orange peels and hot dogs with peanut butter and cheese because “it all went to the same place anyway.” Dad got born-again and wrote a 3000 page novel on the sex life of Jesus Christ. He married a Norweigian woman he met on a cruise ship and moved to Puyallup, Washington where they ran a tuxedo rental business. They would not loan my brother a tuxedo for prom. The new wife fell off a horse, hit her head and went insane. Dad heard Jesus telling him what numbers to play in Vegas. He developed cancer of the lymph nodes and died, right around Christmas time.
The Pangs. The Fucking Pangs.
There is a whole Opus Pistorum to be written on The Pangs.
The feeling: a sort of reverse-nostalgia.
A bittersweet, memory-like longing for something that hasn’t yet happened. The girl you never knew that broke your heart comes to the party in the skin of a woman you’ve never met… will she ever understand that you already love her? Deeply, truly, thoroughly. Is this love any less valid because it exists in another dimension and has nothing to do with anything real* (*i.e. having any connection to that which actually happened in this lifetime)?
The relationships of the mind, whilst listening to songs, whilst watching the sun go down, whilst watching movies, sitting in the tub, are so full, so beautiful, so sad and perfectly imperfect. Inside of these images of imaginary love affairs, cinematically painful, slowly and quietly intense and dramatic, we always look beautiful when we’re crying. Our faces are never red and puffy and pathetic, and if they are, they are adorably so, intensely so, sweetly so.
Pain is a pang, a slide-guitar gut sensation, a minor note felt in the aorta, a heart choke. Eyes blink in the soft light, tears roll down the cheeks, always in slow motion, with a sound track, slow, with ringing harmonics which die away, open tuning, the sound of the metal rattling on the fret. Imperfectly perfect, and slow.
Behind, above, surrounding it all, there is the glowing specter of a heart, full to bursting with love, that grows and grows and grows.
The people-in-general, the hoi polloi, the vox populi go on about their business. Another day, another nickel. Back to work. Me too. Here I am. Senor Cog: Welcome to the Urban Junkyard! Your Civic Duties await you! Please report to the office and place your Cog in the Machine. Although the System runs quite smoothly without You (it is, in and of itself, a self-propagating, self-copulating, self-emulating machine) We sure do like having You around. All is Better Back in Line, waiting for your side-order of fries. Here we Go.
Need to get simple and monosyllabic for a minute. Yes, no, good, yes, ugh…. simple simple. Even simple has two-syllables. Too Many! Need the Ones: Plain. Good. Girl. Boy. Beach. Sky. Sea. Camp. Walk. Sleep. Read. Light. Dark. Beef. Fish. Eat. Love. Joy. God.
It is time to cry. Really cry. Not just weep that bittersweet lovesick weep that’s burning in the throat 24/7, but fucking WAIL. Wail to the heavens in a combination of a “thank you!” and “why? fucking why?” A question and an exclamation. Why is she so beautiful? Why can’t it last forever? Why would I want it to? Why do I deserve such light? Such feelings? Such a friend?
I love those days when one knows, beyond a doubt, that happiness is right here. Nothing more is needed. I could live in a dirt shack chicken coop, and so long as the face turns toward the sun now and then, happy is here.
And yet, simultaneously, that thought horrifies me…. this is it? this is all you want? this is happiness? no no not enough never never never enough…. I am the bitch of ambition! I am the slave of the self talking mind! I am the hog-tied POW of “not enough” “less than” and “falling short”, and am a shit sandwich with a side order of failure and a self pity shake.
Those are The Pangs, mang.
“In landlessness alone resides the highest truth, shoreless, indefinite as God—so, better is it to perish in that howling infinite, than be ingloriously dashed upon the lee, even if that were safety!”
(Moby Dick, Chapter 23)
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him…
(Oh, man, this is so bad, it’s good)
……. A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
(credit: Eddie Bieble’s blog: http://ping.fm/UDupi)
Another great round of shows through Missouri, South Dakota and Minnesota! We have a much deserved day off tomorrow and then we’re headed to Chicago, Green Bay and St. Louis. See details below.
House of Blues – Back Porch
Saturday, October 24
Green Bay, WI
Sunday-Tuesday, October 25-27
Beale on Broadway
St. Louis, MO
Wednesday, October 28
Saturday, October 24: HOB Back Porch (Chicago, IL)
Sunday-Tuesday, October 25-27: Oneida Casino (Green Bay, WI)
Wednesday, October 28: Beale on Broadway (St. Louis, MO)
Friday, October 30: Eagles Ballroom (Omaha, NE)
Saturday, October 31: The Bottleneck (Lawrence, KS)
Friday, November 6: Blank Club (San Jose, CA)
Saturday, November 7: Blue Fin (Monterey, CA)
Sunday, November 8: Fishlips (Bakersfield, CA)
Saturday, November 14: Thee Parkside (San Francisco, CA)
Wednesday, November 18: Urban Lounge (Salt Lake City, UT)
Friday, November 20: Knitting Factory (Spokane, WA)
Saturday, November 21: Knitting Factory (Boise, ID)
Friday, November 27: Viper Room (West Hollywood, CA)
Saturday, November 28: Winstons (Ocean Beach, CA)
Saturday, December 5: Aliante Station (Las Vegas, NV)
Friday, December 18: Tractor Tavern (Seattle, WA)
Saturday, December 19: Dantes (Portland, OR)
Saturday, December 26: Belly Up Tavern (San Diego, CA)
Thanks for your support!
It occurred to me today that a whole lot of people — all over the world!!! — have gotten the new Evangenitals EP. That’s awesome.
Now, how about telling us what you think of it?!?!?! WE NEED YOUR REVIEWS!!!
Please take a moment to log in to CDBaby.com (it’s free and all… if you don’t already have an account there) and give us some stars! Let us know what you think of the album. We would love your feedback. WHAT DO YOU THINK???
Here’s the link to the album page where you can post your reviews: http://ping.fm/6G7bF
Juli & the Evangenitals
On Saturday October 10th the Evangenitals will play our biggest show yet! We are opening for Cash’d Out, the world’s premier Johnny Cash tribute band (that Evangenital Juli Crockett sings the June Carter parts with!) at San Diego’s BEST live music venue — The Belly Up!
The incredible Bill Cardinal is also on the bill, and DJ Gonzo will be spinning all the great cowboy classics between sets. The Belly Up is a beautiful venue with amazing sound, an awesome lineup, and a HUGE opportunity for the Evangenitals to shine our light on San Diego.
If you are in the area, please come see the show! If you know anyone in the area, please help us spread the word!
If you’re in LA and would like to carpool, please email us! We are organizing a carvan to cruise down family-style. 🙂
Tickets are cheaper if you buy ’em in advance, and Cash’d Out shows at the Belly Up often tend to sell out… so get your tix here: http://ping.fm/bukS0
Doors at 8pm, music starts at 9pm. Come and see the whole damn show, cuz it’s all gonna ROCK!
What a great day to be an Evangenital!
If you’re too far to make it, you can grab the new EP off CDBaby, throw on the tunes Saturday night, close your eyes and be with us in spirit. We need your love: http://ping.fm/LESTS
Being and Loveliness,
Juli & the Evangenitals